From the Heart of a Man
Making Up for Lost Time
After a difficult past, a father and son find ways to reconnect
Is it possible to forgive a dysfunctional parent? In order to move on in life,
letting go of the past is essential, says David Brady, a member of Shiloh
Baptist Church in Wilmington, Delaware. Brady, 24, attended a Gracious
Living Gathering sponsored by Beauty for Ashes magazine in August.
This is the testimony he shared during that event:
I grew up in Birmingham, Alabama. My father believed he couldn’t deal
with strong women. He thought that if he hit my mother, she’d be better.
He didn’t respect women at all.
My dad didn’t know how to be a father to us. He thought he had to show tough love. I played football but not as well as he did. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. If I showed my emotions, he thought that meant I was gay. As you know, older men didn’t show their emotions. They thought you had to be tough to be a man.
What I realize now is that my dad was an alcoholic when I was child. He really didn’t know what he was doing. He came from a family that drank a lot, and he grew up without a father.
My father grew up in the projects, and my mom’s father was a pastor. She was used to higher standards. My dad felt that he wasn’t making the money that he wanted to make. They divorced when I was 11, and he was in and out of my life.
Today my father and I are doing well. He sees that I’m not out here doing what a lot of other guys are doing. He’s been rehabilitated through AA. We talk frequently now, mostly about sports but sometimes about how life is going. If I need advice, I can call him. He’s remarried with a family, and he doesn’t do those things he used to do as a younger man.
Men need to realize that sons and daughters need their fathers. My sister has had a hard time dating because she doesn’t know what to look for in a man. I’ve had problems dating too because you don’t know what kind of person to be or how to choose the right person. Your relationship with your father affects your whole life.
My father has apologized for the things he did back in the day. We have to recognize that the past is the past. If another young man were having a hard time rebuilding a relationship with his father, I would tell him to pray, read his Bible, and forgive. We keep messing up on God, and if He can forgive us, we can forgive others.
We need to show our own kids that forgiveness is key. And we need to realize that black men often die early. If you don’t reconnect with your father, you might never know what illnesses he might have had, or you won’t get to know your relatives on his side of the family. I would encourage the person to pray and keep working at it.
Testimonies
Inside DeborahLeaner.com:
